


Who I Am and Who I Want To Be

by RayOfJustice



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Bullying, M/M, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:05:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayOfJustice/pseuds/RayOfJustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter keeps losing people he loves and Flash wants to be a better person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan-fic....so sorry if I fail miserably.  
> Also, because I'm a nerd I might use a lot of the story from the comics so I guess spoilers??

_What kind of person are you now and who do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years? _

 

"What the hell...?" Flash whispers, rubbing his face irritated. All the students in his history class have grouped up and are talking about college and careers . Some senior questionnaire thing their teachers have to give out so they can plan their future or something. Flash doesn't want to do this; he doesn't even know if he's  _ going  _ to college. This just gets him more upset. He looks around the room for someone to talk to but none of them are people he can stand. Flash is sitting in the back corner and the teacher isn't paying attention so he slips his earphones in. He doesn't realize when he starts dozing off...

ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ ｏ

"Mr. Thompson, please wake up and leave." His teacher says, shaking him awake.

Flash finally wakes up and realizes that everyone has left. 

"I'd like to get to lunch now, as should you Mr. Thompson . Also, could you wake Parker up? I'm going." 

"Uh--yessir." Flash says, picking up his things. After the teacher leaves, Flash finally notices Peter sleeping at the desk in the other back corner. He's about to smack Peter in the head with his basketball when he hears him whimper. He leans down to hear what he's saying.

_ "Mom...Dad, no..."  _ Flash stands back up when he sees Peter start crying in his sleep. 

"Parker, wake up. " He says, putting a hand on his back and shaking him. Peter only gets worse. "Parker! Peter, wake up!" 

Peter's eyes shoot open and he falls out of his seat. Flash can't even laugh because he doesn't understand what just happened. Peter looks up at Flash and quickly wipes away his tears.

"Peter..."

"Sorr--oh god what time is it? Ah lunch already, gotta go!" Peter says, grabbing his things and running out the door. Flash doesn't know why he does it, but he runs after Peter. 

"Wait, Parker!" 

Peter runs out of the hall before Flash can catch him. Flash is about to take off to follow him but his friends show up and drag him to the cafeteria.

He'd just have to stop him the next time he saw him.

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After his uncle died, Peter had felt more confused than ever. He was going somewhere dark inside of himself and he knew it would be hard to get back out. His new interest in Gwen had meant nothing to him at this point. Anything he had felt for her--for anyone--that was all gone now. He had already lost so much and after he felt his uncle's last breath leave his body, he swore that he would never love again. It had only been one night but he watched his Aunt turn from a wonderful, shining woman into a wreck. 

Peter would love no one ever again.

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Peter had to go to school the next day. He couldn't stay at home.  He didn't want to talk to people but he needed a distraction. As he walked through the halls, conversations became  muted . He hated their eyes the most. Their stupid looks. No one gave a shit about him when Flash was launching a fist at his jaw  but the minute someone important to him dies, then they feel bad. 

People clear a path for him as he makes his way to his locker. He starts unloading his textbooks when he hears a familiar squeak of sneakers on the floor. 

"Hey Parker."      


Of course.

"Not today Flash." He prays that Flash will give him a break. Just this once. Flash reaches out to Peter and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

"Come on man, I just want to  tal\--"  But Peter's body is reacting before his brain can catch up.  He grabs Flash's track jacket and shoves him against the lockers. The students gasp loudly.

Peter looks into Flash's eyes. They seem sad and...sympathetic almost. Flash grabs Peter's hands and squeezes.

"Feels better, right?" Flash says, squeezing a little tighter. "Your uncle died, I'm sorry." 

Peter slowly lowered Flash down the locker, crumbling into himself. 

"I get it, I'm sorry." He slowly lets out.

Peter ducks his head into his arm.

"Okay." He whispers.

He let's go completely and grabs his bag. 

Flash watches as Gwen tries to stop and comfort Peter, but Peter pulls away.

The bell for first period rings but Flash doesn't take his eyes off Peter's back....and Peter can't stop feeling the tingling from where Flash held onto his hands.

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Peter runs out of the school with tears on his face. His face feels hot and he knows it's bright red already. He breathes in and shutters.

He starts walking down the street, covering his mouth with his hand. He just needed to be home right now. He could almost guarantee that Aunt May was still on the couch in a catatonic state. He wasn't sure if he was ready to see that again.

Before he could get too far into his thoughts, a loud roar of an engine came up behind him. He turned around to see Flash in his car.

Flash looked up at Peter; his hand still covering some of his face and his eyes puffy and tear-filled.

"You...want  a ride home?" He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Peter looked around, then nodded quickly. He went over to the passenger side and got in. 

Flash's car was clean and smelled new, though it was an older model.  It was a comfortable scent to Peter. Peter buckled up and put his hood  on. He sunk down into the seat and let out a sigh.

Flash put the car into gear and slowly took off. Peter looked over at him, spacing out. Flash noticed and nervously looked anywhere  but where Peter was. 

"Thank you Flash." Peter said, almost whispering.

Flash didn't bring up the other day. He couldn't yet. He'd wait a bit until Peter cooled off.

 

To Be Continued...


	2. With A Little Help From My....Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is still confused but has to help Flash.

Flash pulled up to Peter's house and parked. He wasn't sure if he should say something or just keep his mouth shut. He waited for Peter to grab his things and get out but didn't hear him moving. He finally looked over at him only to see Peter gripping his bag hard and staring at the house. 

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Flash asked to break the silence. Peter whipped his head around to face him.

"Uh--sure, go ahead." He said in a small voice. 

Flash stared at his fingers as he played with the wheel.

"The other day, when you were sleeping--when I woke you up...what were you dreaming about?"

Flash was actually nervous for the first time in a long time. He didn't know how Peter would react to the question. The dream seemed really personal. Flash obviously knew about Peter's parents but he never heard him actually  _ talk  _ about it.

Peter cleared his throat a little.

"Well...it was about my parents." he slowly began. "I don't remember all of it but, it was just about when they left me here. I have the same dream a lot. I'm a little kid and I'm standing there at the door with my parents walking out and I call out to my dad and he just turns to me and says "be good." That was the last thing he said to me before he died. I just...can't seem to keep anyone around long, y'know?" He says with a forced laugh and Flash can't help but feel  _ sorry _for Peter.

"Anyway," Peter says and grabbing his things. "Thanks for the ride . You can go back to beating me up in a couple of days when I get back to school." He says with a big smile that obviously hurts him.

Peter jumps out of the car and starts walking up to his door with his head hanging.

"Hey, wait up Parker." Flash says getting out of the car and walking over to Peter. "Let me see your phone for a sec." 

Peter is skeptical and a little cautious but hands it over. Flash takes it and looks like he's texting someone. He closes it and hands it back to Peter.

"I put my number in. So, uh, call me if you need to talk or want a ride to school, okay?"

Peter grins and nods.

"Flash, you really don't have to be nice to me." Peter says as Flash is  walking back to his car.

Flash turns around and smiles wide.

"I know."

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Peter stumbles into the house. The mood is uneasy and isn't as inviting as usual. Aunt May isn't on the couch anymore which make Peter feel a little better. He makes his way upstairs and peaks his head into her room. She's asleep on the bed cuddled up to a pair of Uncle Ben's pajamas. She's even wearing one of his sweaters which just  breaks Peter's heart. He goes into his room and throws himself on his bed. He just needs some rest right now. He eventually pulls himself up and goes to his closet to change then goes back to the bed to sleep for a little.

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Peter sleeps until late that night. When he finally gets up, he feels a little better. He hears Aunt May downstairs in the kitchen. He makes his way downstairs and once she notices him, he gives her a sheepish smile. She gives him the same and reaches out for a hug. 

"My boy." She says into his shoulder. Neither of them can cry anymore. "Are you hungry?"   
"Yeah, you want help?" 

"No, I've got it. I'll call you down when it's done."

He walked back up to his room and sat at his desk. He picked up his phone and started going through his messages. Gwen had texted him to make sure he was okay but he'd text her back tomorrow. He wasn't really in the mood to explain right now. He did remember what happened with Flash though. He thought he owed him a text at least. 

** Hey Flash, it's Peter. Thanks for today. I really appreciated it. **

Peter waited for a response. He felt nervous almost. How did he go from punching bag to texting buddies? Either way, Flash was kind enough to make sure Peter was okay and even extended his kindness for future favors. A ride to school? Hell yes Peter would love one, especially if it meant he didn't have to take the bus or ride to school. Peter's phone went off on the desk and he quickly grabbed it. It was a call from Flash. 

"Hello?"  
"Who the hell is this? Are you Peter?" A harsh voice came in through the other line. The man sounded drunk.

"Uh, yes. Sorry is this not--"

"What did you do with my son today?" A noise went off in the back, like a door opening. Then Peter could hear Flash in the back.

"Dad? Who are you talking to?"

"Shuddap. Your boyfriend called. I'm just having a chat with him." He said in a disgusting voice. 

"Dad, give me the phone." Flash tried to reach for the phone but his father pushed him down. 

"Don't make me beat you, boy." 

While this was going on, Peter threw the suit on under his clothes. He ran down stairs and went to Aunt May in the kitchen. 

"Aunt May, I gotta go help a friend. I'll be back."   
"Well--now hold up mister! What do you mean?"

"Aunt May, I  really don't have time to explain. I just gotta go help him."

"Peter, if this boy is in trouble you should call the police."

Peter was running out the door and Aunt May followed him.

"I will once I get there. I just need to see if I can diffuse the problem before we involve the police."

"Well, at least take the car Peter!" Aunt May said, grabbing the keys and tossing them to him. 

"I'll be back soon." He said as he jumped into the car. He took off quickly. He had still kept the call going but muted his end. He listened in to try to hear what was going on. 

What he heard now was Flash grunting. Not the kind of "I'm winning the fight" grunt either. His dad was seriously hurting him and yelling at him. 

Peter had to find Flash's address in the directory that was in the car. After he finally found it, he parked and ran towards the house. Flash lived in a run-down area with suspicious people all over the place. I didn't take long to find Flash's apartment with all the yelling going on. Peter ran up the fire escape and to what looked like Flash's room. He crawled in through the window and found Flash laying on the kitchen floor; beaten and bloody. Peter had seen Flash with a bruise now and again, but he never expected that it was from his own father. 

"Oh my god, Flash." Peter whispered. He didn't know where Flash's father was and didn't want to cause any more trouble. He dragged Flash into his room and quietly shut the door. 

"Flash?" He asked, still whispering. "Flash are you okay?" Flash stirred, almost unconscious. His face was torn up. Peter heard Flash's father in the other room and quickly picked up Flash and carried him out the window. 

Peter somehow made it down the fire escape with Flash on his back and got him in Peter's car. Flash started to become aware of what was going on.

"Don't worry Flash, I'm taking you to my house now." Peter started the car and took off. He found tissues in the car and handed them to Flash, whose nose started bleeding.

Flash gratefully took the tissues and held them against his face. He held his head back and tried to stop the bleeding. 

He couldn't stop staring at Peter. He kept asking himself if this were real. 

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	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash is brought to Peter's house to get cleaned up and meets Aunt May.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry I've been missing for like tWO YEARS but here's some more of the story! I wrote this around the same time so the style is similar but tried to edit it a bit.  
> Mostly just some story fillers so it's not terribly long, sorry!  
> Thanks to everyone who has been following the story and for the many kudos! I'll try to write more!

After driving far enough, Peter pulled over. Flash had calmed down and his nose had stopped bleeding so much. Peter stopped the car and unbuckled so he could move around more freely. He turned on the overhead light and saw that Flash was covered in blood. He reached in the back and blindly felt around for a hoodie he had left in there a day before. Once he had found it he shook it off and offered it to Flash.

"Here, you're..." Peter motioned to Flash's shirt. Flash gave his nose one last wipe and then took the hoodie. He started taking off his shirt but flinched as he pulled up; his ribs were probably bruised pretty badly. Peter couldn't help but stare at the forming bruises blackening over previous ones. He was hit with a wave of emotions and just wanted to reach out and hug him. It hurt him knowing that this is what Flash had been put through. He was torn, though, since Flash had given him his fair share of bruises like that. Peter couldn't watch Flash struggle anymore and reached out to help. He had brushed Flash's arm and the boy's head snapped up.

Shit, Peter thought. The feeling of touching Flash's skin had made Peter nervous and embarrassed.

"L-let me help you." Peter spat out before Flash could really react. Peter reached again for the shirt and gently pulled it off of Flash. He wadded it up and put it in the back for now. He tried to help Flash put the hoodie on but the bruised boy gave a whispered "not yet". He was too overheated right now.

Peter helped him put his seat belt on and then restarted the car. He drove back home and the entire way there he stayed quiet. They would occasionally go over a bump or hit a pothole and Flash would groan or hiss but all Peter could do was give a worried glance.

When they arrived at the house, Peter helped Flash out of the car. Aunt May was waiting in the kitchen when she heard the car doors shutting. She ran to the front door and swung it open to find a shirtless, bloody, and bruised boy in Peter's arms.

"Aunt May can you get the first aid kit?" Peter asked squeezing by her and setting Flash down carefully on the couch. Aunt May felt scattered for a second but ran to the closet and grabbed it.

" _Peter_..." She said half sternly and half concerned. "What's going on here??"

"I'll explain after I clean him up okay?" He whispered. "Flash, can you make it up the stairs?" Peter asked. Flash nodded nervously and tried not to make eye contact with Aunt May.

The two boys made their way up to Peter's bathroom. Once they were upstairs, Aunt May sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I guess I'll...finish dinner then?" She said to herself.

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Peter set Flash down on the bathroom toilet and started filling the sink with hot water. He had left and came back with a wash cloth and a towel. He turned off the faucet and threw the wash cloth into the water. After ringing it out, he grabbed a stool and pulled it in front of Flash. The other boy looked absolutely exhausted.

"Flash? I'm gonna clean you up okay?"

Flash nodded.

Peter cautiously wiped the warm rag over Flash's forehead and watched as Flash relaxed into it. He sighed and closed his eyes as Peter continued to wipe the dried blood off him. Peter lightly touched Flash's chin to bring it up and clean his mouth--which was covered in smeared blood--and watched as the other boy flinched under his touch.

After Peter had cleaned off Flash's face, he disinfected the cuts and put Band-Aid’s on him. The silent tension between them was just about to kill Peter.

"There you go." Peter quietly announced, throwing the garbage away. Flash opened his eyes again but still looked out of it.

"Thank you, Peter." Flash said in a broken voice.

"Let me get you something else to wear. I'll be right back." Peter got up and went downstairs. Flash looked around his bathroom in some kind of awe. He scoffed when he noticed the Einstein poster on the door.

"What a dork." He said under his breath.

Downstairs, Peter had asked Aunt May if there were any spare clothes Flash could borrow for the night. The two went upstairs and May gave Peter some of Ben's pajamas.

"Aunt May, you sure?" Peter timidly asked.

"Oh, Peter, they're just clothes." She said patting them in Peter's arms. "Now go on and finish up. I'm almost done with dinner."

Peter gave a quick thanks and went back to the bathroom, gently knocking before going in. He handed Flash the clothes and told him about dinner.

"If you're even up for any food right now, I mean."

"Um, yeah, sure. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Peter nodded and left. Flash looked at the clothes; a white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. He knew that they probably belonged to Peter’s uncle and tried to handle them with care as he put them on. Once he was done, he walked over to the mirror. He looked terrible--even after he was cleaned up.

He awkwardly walked down the stairs to find Peter and May setting out plates and the dinner.

"Oh, hello Eugene. Glad to have you joining us." May said in her cheerful voice. Flash hadn't had someone call to him like that in a long time.

He sat down at the small table and May handed him a plate full of spaghetti. Peter helped her finish up and they both sat down. Flash felt uncomfortable and vulnerable in front of them. Aunt May noticed and reached across the table to touch his hand.

"You're safe here, okay?" She said with sweet voice and kind smile. Flash felt like crying at that point, so that's what he did. He finally just let everything go and cried. Peter started to get up to comfort him but Aunt May beat him to it and held onto the sobbing boy.

Peter reached out to one of Flash's open hands and held it. To his surprise, Flash squeezed back. He just really needed a family right now.

After he had calmed down, he felt a giant weight lift off his chest. May rubbed his back and made sure he was okay before going back to her seat. Peter squeezed his hand once more before pulling it back.

"Sorry." Flash scoffed out while wiping his face.

"Don't apologize. We'll get this all figured out, okay? But first, let's eat!"

Flash smiled and gave a little nod. “Yes ma’am.” He said to her.

They ate and May made small talk with the two. Peter was glad that he was starting to see his Aunt come back and liked to have the house alive again.

When they finished, May walked over to Flash and gave him one last squeeze before sending the two upstairs. Flash went up first, giving Peter time to go to his Aunt and thank her.

“He can stay here for as long as needed, you understand? You let him know that too. I don’t want him coming to me in that kind of state again.” She told Peter in a stern voice.

“Thanks Aunt May.” He said pulling her into a deep hug.

Flash was standing at the top of the stairs near the door so he could hear them. He almost broke down again right there.

This was the first time Flash had felt comfortable in a home for years.

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	4. Red Linings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Flash starts to feel normal again, Peter disrupts the home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!   
> Sorry each chapter takes so long but I am going to continue writing!

A few weeks had passed before Flash decided to go back to his father's apartment.

It wasn't by choice, though. The boy needed his belongings; if they were still there at all.

 

When the two showed up, his father was gone. Flash called out to Peter, who was waiting patiently at the end of the hall for his “own good.” They didn't stay long in the rubbish apartment.

 

“The sooner we leave, the better. I don't want you to be here when he comes back. It'll be a shit-show.” The boy warned.

 

Peter couldn't help but chuckle at the idea of Flash's drunk father trying to fight _the_ Spider-Man.

 

The boys gathered Flash's (for the most part unopened) textbooks and his other miscellaneous items. Aunt May had begged Peter to let her call the cops or CPS after what he had done to Flash. Peter was in agreement but Flash had told her not to. It had been done before but no results came from it.

So instead, May offered the boy a room at their home. Even Peter was surprised. He knew that they were already struggling before and now that she was the only working figure in the house, he would have to get a job too.

 

Whenever the two had to drive together it was dead silent in the car. Neither really knew their place anymore. Peter was still the nerd (with secret kick-ass superpowers) and Flash was still the bully. When they had moments together, they were great. When Peter would get on Flash's nerves at school, it was hard to back down. It was what had been expected of them for so long. Flash's friends would try to instigate a fight between them but he would turn it down every time.

 

It was almost like Flash was living a double life; and Peter understood. At school, he still had to be the invincible jock he once was. At home, he was charming and kind to everyone. The two would often do their homework together and Flash started to _like_ his classes. Thanks to Peter, he was now getting a solid B in chemistry. He would even go to Peter every night and apologize for things. Things that had happened that day...things that happened a year ago. He was trying.

 

As for Peter, he was torn. He was living with the boy who put him through hell for years and it was even hard for him to move on from that. There were still feelings of anger and resentment that wouldn't just go away after one moment of weakness. It did help to talk every night though. It was nice for Peter to feel like he was allowed to be angry about things the other had done to him and then be able to move on from it. Peter had just hoped that soon the two of them could be friends in public and not feel like he was hiding yet _another_ life from his peers.

 

Flash was actually a good roommate, too. He never complained about the blow-up mattress or the fact that Peter always slept with the window open. He didn't even mind it when Peter would sleep-walk at night and come stumbling in early in the morning. He knew his limits at their home and always kept from crossing any lines. Like how Peter would sometimes need his room for a few hours to do research and study, so Flash would sit downstairs with May and watch bad 80's movies.

 

The only time it really became difficult for Flash was when Peter got his job working with Dr. Connors. He would be gone until late in the night working with him so the other boy had to spend all his time either entertaining May or taking late-night strolls in the city in hopes of seeing the Spider-Guy.

 

Despite everything, Flash felt fortunate to have a life filled with boredom instead of drunken fist-fights.

 

ｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ

 

Flash had been living in the Parker resident for a few months before really noticing Peter's strange behavior. He seemed hyper-focused on everything—more so than usual. A combination of stress and irritability made the house start to fall apart. Peter was distant and didn't talk with Flash that much anymore. He would come in much later at night and would be covered in bruises. Flash tried to mind his own business, especially when Peter and May would fight downstairs about him being gone. May and Flash would both confide in each other; talking about how off the house had been and exchanging questions that neither had answers to.

 

It wasn't until one day when Peter was upstairs studying that it became clear to Flash.

He had asked to be left alone for a bit so Flash went out shopping for May. While out, he discovered a newspaper with a clear photo of Spider-Man. He ran home as quickly as possible, gave May her groceries, and went straight to Pete's room. He didn't bother knocking out of sheer excitement and what he opened the door up to was...nothing. The room was totally empty; void of Peter. He set the newspaper down on the desk and knocked on the bathroom door but there was still no sign of the other boy.

 

Then, something flew in through the window.

 

Flash turned around quickly to find a flustered boy standing in the middle of the room.

 

“Flash? What are you—I thought I asked you to stay out of here.” Peter said, stuffing something in his back pocket.

 

“Were you just...outside?” Flash asked him, very confused of the entrance.

 

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I like to-uh, _study_ out there sometimes.” He stammered, lightly hopping on one leg over to his desk.

 

Flash knew that was true but he hadn't seen Peter on the roof when he came in at all.

 

“Park—uh, _Pete_. Are you...okay? You've been...” Flash made a hand motion by his head. “Off.”

 

“Yeah! Yeah, I'm good. Really good. So...so...good.”

 

The other boy wasn't convinced. Then, he noticed the red lining under Peter's shirt. He stepped closer to him and cornered him against the door. When Flash brought his hand up to his collar, Peter flinched and they both froze.

 

“ _Don't_.” Peter whimpered.

 

Flash took his hand off of Peter's collar and timidly touched his neck. Peter's hands, once on Flash's wrists, now were holding onto his biceps tightly.

 

The two of them stood in silence as they slowly inched towards each other, closing the gap between their faces.

 

Then, just as their lips grazed each other, Aunt May knocked on the door and called them for dinner.

The two ripped away from each other, Peter holding his face and Flash running out of the room too fast to be stopped.

 

That night, dinner was more quiet than usual.

 

Flash went to bed right after and Peter went...out.

 


	5. Falling Apart...Together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The result of the "almost-kiss".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, TWO chapters in TWO days? Crazy...
> 
> I felt pretty inspired to write this chapter quickly. I love big dramatic scenes so I hope I did an okay job for you guys! : )
> 
> Also, this is a long ass chapter (or longer than usual) so sorry if it's a bit of a read.

Things were weird for a few days. The two don't speak much, if at all. Aunt May thought it was just because of Peter's recent attitude so she tried not to step in too much. She knew that they had their own way of dealing with things. She would hear the soft murmur of their conversations all hours of the night. She loved that Peter had someone to talk to, but now it was different. The air between them was thick and awkward. At dinner, neither spoke directly to each other but instead through May.

 

She was too tired to take sides, especially because she knew neither.

 

So, they ate their meals in silence and exchanged quick glances.

 

ｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ

 

Flash...liked Peter.

 

He never wanted to admit to this. Peter was not his type, especially since he was, in fact, a _man_.

He had never thought of Peter this way and it filled him with both disgust...and excitement.

 

Peter was a nerd. He liked books and studying more than watching a good football game. He got excited over news on dark matter and missions to Mars. The way he laughed when Flash would ask what was going on in his stupid science shows was obnoxious. And adorable. Especially when he would fall back laughing and his eyes would settle on Flash's face, making him feel uncharacteristically nervous.

 

Okay, so he was literally the cutest guy Flash knew. Who cares? Flash didn't. He didn't care that all he wanted to do recently was go back to that moment in Peter's room and kiss him before May knocked. He didn't care that he missed having to get dressed in the same room every morning; watching as a sleepy Peter lazily pulled off his shirt and sifted through all his clothes. He didn't even miss the times late at night when he would be restlessly tossing and turning, stressed out about his father, and Peter would extend his arm out to the bed on the floor and lightly rub Flash's back until he felt safe again.

 

 

 

Flash missed Peter _a lot_.

 

ｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ

 

Peter didn't feel anything anymore. With everything that had been happening—with everything that was about to happen, he didn't have time to think about the fact that Flash had tried to kiss him. Or that maybe he wanted it. He might have even leaned in, but he would never admit to it.

 

Peter had been trying to start a relationship with Gwen. He _really_ liked her. She was beautiful and smart and she knew _exactly_ how to make him smile.

 

She was perfect for him, but she also made him feel guilty. Guilty for what he did...the danger he was putting everyone in. Her father worked hard everyday to bring justice to the city and all Peter did was destroy. But he couldn't stop. On top of helping people, he really _loved_ being Spider-Man. He loved the freedom he felt while he swung around the city and would smile as the people below called to him in amazement. He wished he could share his secret with someone other than Gwen. He wished he could tell Flash.

 

The way the other boy looked at him whenever he came in with bruises on his body felt way worse than May finding them. The look of worry and understanding sent a cold shiver down Peter's spine.

 

Then, after what had happened, the way Flash would look at him was different. It wasn't a look of fear or concern—it was pure _lust_. At night when they would get ready for bed, Flash would stare at Peter as if he wanted to say something. He would quickly lick his lips, open his mouth, pause, and then turn his head away.

 

This had happened almost every night for an entire week. Peter was tired of the tension. He had to know why.

 

_Why did he try to kiss him?_

 

ｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ

 

On Sunday, May had to go into work to cover someone's shift. Peter and Flash were left alone at home so May thought it would be a good time for them to talk alone. She knew it was hard for them to communicate freely with her in the next room.

 

After she had left, Peter went upstairs and got ready to go out on patrol. It was pouring rain but he knew being soaking wet and flying through the streets at 80+ miles per hour would be better than having to spend the day at home in silence with Flash.

 

But something had changed in Flash that day. He went upstairs and knocked softly at the door before coming in.

 

Peter was putting his sweater on. He didn't turn around.

 

“Peter...we need to talk.” Flash said, closing the door behind him but keeping his back glued to it.

 

“Not now, Flash. I'm leaving.” Peter said, gathering his backpack's contents and stuffing them in.

 

“No, Peter. I mean it. I...I can't keep doing this.” He said as his voice gave out. He felt like he was about to cry but knew he had to hold it together. He _had_ to speak to Peter.

At this point, Peter couldn't help but turn around. He knew that Flash was upset, which was a rare thing to see anymore.

 

“...okay...” Peter started, letting out a sigh. “ _What_ can't you keep doing? Living here? Being friends with me?”  
  


“I can't stand this silence. It's killing me.” He started, moving towards the other timidly. “Peter, I _don't_ want to be your friend. If that's all you want to be, then I'm fine with that...but if you can tell me with complete certainty that you didn't feel something too, I'll stop this all. I'll leave and never bring it up again. But I _have_ to know if there's a chance for me to be happy with you again.”

 

Peter clenched his teeth and turned away. He tapped his foot like he did when he was working through a difficult algorithm. At least Flash knew he was seriously thinking about it.

 

“You know we can't.” He whispered.

 

“What does that mean?” Flash asked.

 

“We _can't_. We both know what this could do to your reputation. You'll loose everything.”

 

“Oh, and you know everything, right?” Flash snapped.

 

Peter whipped his head around and shot Flash a cold look.

 

“I know enough. I know how hard it is to be different. I know what it's like to be ostracized from everyone at school. And you did a great fucking job at making that happen, didn't you?” Peter's words were piercing and hollow.

 

Flash froze. Peter knew Flash was trying to change. He knew how hard he had tried to make things right with them.

 

The air had become thick between them again. The rain came down hard outside and Flash wondered if Peter was still going to leave. Maybe he would stay if Flash left first.

 

“I'm so sorry Peter. I'll...go.” He uttered, turning and opening the door.

 

Peter nodded and rubbed his eyes.

 

“Hey,” Flash said before completely stepping out. Peter lifted his hands from his eyes. “...Thank you. For everything that you did for me. It might be too late to say now but...for awhile there...it really felt like I had a family again. Like I had someone to love and look forward to waking up next to. For that, I'll always be grateful. So, really, _thank you_.”

 

Flash closed the door and Peter completely broke down crying. He crumbled to the floor and fell apart.

 

ｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ

 

Flash didn't know where he would go. Well, he _knew_ but he didn't want to think about it. The only option he had now was to go back to his father.

 

Just the thought of the reunion made him want to cry.

 

And he did cry, but not because of his dad. He cried because he had lost Peter. He lost the one thing that he had really come to love.

 

Flash knew how to protect himself, but now he had found someone he wanted to protect more.

 

So here's a lonesome Flash, walking around in the pouring rain...crying. He knew what rock-bottom felt like but this was a new feeling entirely.

 

The only other time he had ever had his heart broken was when his mom died and left him with his shitty father.

 

He found some cover at a bus stop and sat down. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. No messages or missed calls. He didn't know what he was expecting. Of course Peter wasn't going to call. He put it away and looked up at the dark grey skies.

 

Then, he heard footsteps coming his way. _Running_ to him. If he had gotten mugged right then, he wouldn't even put up a fight.

 

“...I hated you.” A voice said behind him in a broken tone.

 

He turned around to find Peter standing there, totally soaked and out of breath.

 

“Peter? What are you—”

 

“I couldn't stand you for the longest time. I was sure that I would never forgive you for everything you put me through for the last three years. But...I _did_. I let you into my life and, despite everything my brain was telling me, I let my heart make this decision. I...I let myself...” He paused and took a deep breath. “I let myself totally and completely fall in love with you!” Peter yelled out.

 

Flash jumped up as soon as Peter finished.

 

“You...love me.” He stated almost as a question.

 

Peter nodded but looked sad.

 

“I do. But my life is so messed up right now. I don't know if I can let you into that yet. I don't know if I'm ready for you to see all of this yet.”

 

“Pete...” Flash sighs, walking over and wrapping his arms around the shivering boy. “I'm willing to wait, but I'd _really_ like to see your world. You've seen me at my worst and you helped me out of that place. So...when you're ready, let me do the same.”

 

Peter nodded and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck. He looked up at Flash and gave a sheepish smile.

 

“Let's get back to normal so we can stop all this crying nonsense.” Flash laughed, wiping away Peter's tears.

 

The two stood out in the rain for a bit and talked. They held each other and laughed together for the first time in what seemed like forever.

 

“If it's okay with you, I'd really like to kiss you. I've actually been thinking about it for awhile...” Flash admitted.

 

Peter laughed and hid his face in his arm.

 

“I've been wondering when that would come up again.” Peter chuckled again before pulling Flash down to kiss him.

 

When Flash pulled away he had the biggest grin on his face and Peter buried himself in the larger boy's chest.

 

“Let's go home.” Peter suggested.

 

The two walked back in the pouring rain to the house. Once inside, they dried off and relaxed downstairs.

 

Peter figured he could spend one day off as Spider-Man...

 

 


End file.
